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Ezie Doshon

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(no subject) [Nov. 10th, 2009|08:24 pm]
Email between a close friend and I regarding Museum Girl:

Him:

"The poem is from the perspective of “she”… but who is “she”? The title reads “Museum girl”, but it sounds like you’re talking about a higher being."

Me:

"The she is me. As is the “I”. The bolded parts are what she says/yells out loud, while the italicized parts are her “echo” back to her.

I close my eyes and see myself standing, alone, in a pitch black room, gigantic like a museum but with no exhibits. There’s a bench, but there isn’t even an option of sitting. The only light is blinding and comes from above, and only illuminates a small area, barely more than a couple feet wide, in a circle. Dust motes slowly fall like snow, refracting the light slightly. Every word spoken, even a whisper, is louder than anything, and echoes back as something completely different but still the same. There’s nothing keeping me there, no cage, not even the doors are locked. Yet I can’t move outside of the light, I can’t see anything beyond my halo of light, I can’t sit and rest."
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(no subject) [Apr. 6th, 2009|04:11 pm]
a broken heart
from a broken past
in a broken home
never meant to last

love has changed
love is the same
love is gone
with no one to blame

fix what is broken
tear open the scars
rub salt in the wound
because they're still ours

moving on
falling back
get a grip
broken heart attack
never look back
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Newest Epic [Jul. 18th, 2008|09:55 am]
Museum Girl

know without seeing,
hear with no sound.
light is blinding;
the dark suffocates.
"What's going on?"
"what's wrong?"

there, she spins
her halo rises and falls.
"Who are you?!"
"who am i?"

the fear is evident;
her eyes are lost.
she wants to sit,
the bench says no.
"How are you doing this?"
"why do i exist?"

this is her past, present, beyond.
no way to ever get out.
the more she pushes,
the more I pull.
"How did I get here?"
"isn't this my fear?"

she stands surrounded
and all alone;
light is cold, bittersweet,
opposite to dark,
that's warm to the touch.
but stay away, she does.
"Show your face!"
"i know this place..."

she'll survey the room,
unseeing but know.
then tears will fall;
hear my laughter grow.
watch, she sinks to the ground,
her halo, it tilts.
"Shut up!"
"...never give up."
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Older ---> Newer [Jul. 18th, 2008|09:46 am]
[Current Mood |dance-ish]
[Current Music |Just Watch the Fireworks - Jimmy Eat World]

Seeing sharp
Shooting daggers
Not good enough
Never there

-----

Insignificant
Sudden detachment
Float away
Things are small
So far away
All new meaning
To letting go
Moving on...

-----

Shout it at me
Doesn't matter
Still can't hear
Don't want to care

-----

look at me for me
stop seeing what you want
take off my labels
look down to my soul
not tortured; naive
so many scars
but still, one piece

-----

See the world like it is
Wipe the sleep from your eyes
In dreams you'll bleed
This world is a lie

-----

Haha, can you tell I get bored during anthro? These aren't finished yet I don't think. Except maybe the fifth one. I don't know, we'll see. I've got another one to put up, that one's completely finished. Some of you might get it, but most of you won't. But you'll still appreciate it. It's in a new kind of style for me, no more of this "I" or "me" all over the place. It's my second kind of epic, the first being Little Box written in like eighth grade. Haha, the original written version had drawings from Kait all over it. Noodleboy ftw!
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(no subject) [Jun. 17th, 2008|11:29 pm]
HEY!

I'm curious as to see who all reads this anymore. Whether it be random people across lj, on people's friend lists, or various ex boyfriends.

If you could just do me a favor and leave me a quick comment here, I'd really appreciate it. I've just been wondering if it was really worth keeping this one updated.

Anon comments are screened, so you weirdo ex boyfriends/random people don't need to worry about your image or some shit.

(I would really just like a quick comment, just to know that people do still read this)
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(no subject) [Jun. 12th, 2008|10:55 pm]
go through the motions
day after day
free will turned off
no switch to flip
this life has been written
no erasers in sight
the lights are on
the stage is set
just one thing missing
you.
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(no subject) [Jun. 12th, 2008|10:54 pm]
A mechanical heart never beats quite the same

mechanical heart
with an echoing soul
was it ever alive?
we'll never know
all that we do
is it keeps on going
soundless soul
no glow in the eye
useless heart
not worth living
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(no subject) [Jun. 12th, 2008|10:29 pm]
[Current Mood | gloomy]

He taught me many things
like how to lie
stone faced
blank stare
His example could never be
reproduced, I thought,
then he lied with a smile
or tear
a promise; "it's not easy"
the first took my innocence
the second, my ____

I need to finish it. I've got heart as the last word, but that's way too cliche and wishy washy.
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(no subject) [May. 20th, 2008|04:32 pm]
make me a stone
don't let me feel
what?
are those tears?
why?
everything is fine
how?
let me go
set me free
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(no subject) [Apr. 3rd, 2008|09:55 pm]
all these scars have stories,
I thought you'd want to know.
instead you left, ran away;
taking back your heart.
-----

this pain so real makes
no sense; maybe I'll die.
all this bleeding shows
somehow I'm alive.


They both seem a little bit off. I'm not sure if I'll take them any place else.
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(no subject) [Mar. 24th, 2008|09:31 pm]
[Current Mood | numb]

wait until he leaves you,
drops you like you're something hot.
the burns will scar but then will heal,
while he took away your heart.
cuts and bruises fade away;
only memories remain.
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(no subject) [Mar. 23rd, 2008|10:33 pm]
wait until he leaves you, drops you like you're something hot. the burns will scar but then will heal, while he took away your heart.
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(no subject) [Mar. 12th, 2008|04:50 pm]
say the lines
act the part
don't deviate
stick to the show
life is a play
stuck in the role
the scenes are set
identical always
nothing changes
directors stay
same situations
always
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(no subject) [Mar. 10th, 2008|09:38 pm]
moving on

my heart still beats
without a song
an empty shell
nothing more
nothing will ever be again
a failure, that's it
no life beyond meaningless
soulless bleeding hearts
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(no subject) [Mar. 10th, 2008|05:18 pm]
So I'm in the process of making a hard copy of my normal lj, and I found two poems that I wrote a long time but never made it anywhere or even here. They're old, almost five years old.

Invisible

Standing with my friends
Talking, laughing
Here I am surrounded
Yet I feel so alone
Walking through the halls
Dodging people
Walking by
I feel like
I'm nothing
A no one
I'm invisible
You can't see me
Don't try to look
I'm not there
I'm invisible
Remember?


Apple

Hanging here
Upon a tree,
Just waiting for
A call to me.
And so it calls,
The wind to me.
Gentle whispers
Coax me down,
Onto the ground.
There I tumble
Fall and roll,
Down the grassy knoll.
I lie there
A day or so.
Then I'm found
Just by a child.
Taken up
In grubby hands,
Dropped in a bag,
To other lands.
There are more
Just like me.

I hit another,
Bruise myself
I enjoy
This little ride
It ends too soon
Not long enough
I get pulled out,
Put on a table,
I sit right there.
Red as blood,
My skin shines bright,
Until I'm taken
To a knife.
My heart of seeds
Gets cut out.
The rest of me
Into pieces.
That's all that's left,
And nothing more.
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(no subject) [Feb. 21st, 2008|02:03 pm]
Trinkets

the first got it all
letters worth writing
that first love, friendship
we still talk
he sees me for me

next, he hurt me
in unimaginable ways
he didn't get much
just some pictures
on a blank CD

you were the one
to be on my board
permanent, in sharpie
be my muse, my inspiration
nothing lasts forever


It's a little choppy, but I like it.
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(no subject) [Jan. 25th, 2008|07:54 pm]
We'll watch the sun go down and let it take these broken dreams. And then...we'll part our separate ways. Edit: We'll move on, and then drift to opposite ends of the ocean.
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(no subject) [Jan. 25th, 2008|12:50 pm]
The room is quiet
No more music or shows
Everything you gave me
In the middle of it all
I couldn't wear your shorts
Or hug the bear
Your jacket's too cold
A sleepless night without
That comfort or warmth
Being friends isn't enough
I saw everything with you
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Bits and pieces [Jan. 11th, 2008|05:19 pm]
[Current Mood | hyper]

This was the day, we all knew it, could feel it in our souls. The three of us would each have a part to play, though no act was too small to not be noticed in the big picture. And I, as the youngest, would have the biggest part. Or so it's told. One of the more frustrating points though is that “regular” world wouldn't know any of what we were doing or that their own lives were at risk.
As the day progressed, first Natalie and then Calisto, my two older sisters, completed their tasks brilliantly. My only hope was that I, Arianna, could live up to their deeds. My two sisters were like night and day, but only in appearance. Calisto was fair where Natalie was dark, but the two of them were closer than anyone could imagine. They also had the advantage of being only ten months apart in age. I was nearly two years younger than Calisto, twenty-two months, and so I was thirty two months younger than Natalie. They'd both been lucky enough to go through school together while I was stuck two grades behind and wore their hand me downs. I didn't mind it much, it brought us closer.
When Natalie was seventeen, Calisto sixteen, and I was merely fourteen, our mother died. It wasn't too much of a shock, we'd known her fate before it happened, even though she was the epitome of health. The doctors couldn't explain it, but we knew they wouldn't be able to. That is, unless they were someone like us.
Some one like us. What an odd phrase. Our father couldn't stand people “like us”; I was his last hope of having a normal child. I suppose that's why he left so soon after I started showing signs of being “abnormal”. So we all kind of grew up without a father figure, but we're better off for it. After our mother died, we could live on our own and support each other.
I'm rambling when I should really be getting on to the details of what happened on this seemingly normal day. The three of us woke around the same time, our bond seemed to alert us of each other's presences. We stood together in the kitchen discussing our plans for the day. Because my last year of high school was starting soon, we were going to celebrate by spending the day at an amusement park.
Without warning, all three of us became dizzy, and I nearly fell to the floor. Natalie and Calisto looked to each other immediately. They seemed to be speaking without words. Usually it didn't bother me, but this feeling was just too...intense. I looked to both fr an answer, and for once, they seemed to be able to read what I was thinking.
“Ari,” Natalie started.
“Anna,” Calisto chimed in, a beat later.
On most days, I'd hate that, but today was just different. “This is it, isn't it?” They nodded in unison. I leaned against the kitchen counter, just now realizing that we were all in our pajamas still. “So we'll have to cancel our plans then.”
Together they shook their heads. “Ari, you know that will only pause what is coming. We have to...”
Natalie picked up where Calisto left off. “...go on with our lives, for us and everyone else. We'll just have to...”
“...be more aware, there will be no warning,” Calisto said.
Natalie nodded. “And we're not sure if it will involve you Anna, because you haven't...”
“...reached the proper age, but since you felt it too...”Calisto paused.
“...there is a good chance you will,” Natalie said finally.
“Alright then, I'm going to shower and get ready,” I told them, giving off my best smile. They didn't seem visibly worried, but I knew they were.
As I got ready to leave the house, I paid more attention to the small things. I'd never noticed the tiny crack in my bedroom mirror or the way my hair settled around my ears. Out of my closet, I picked out my favorite pair of jeans, a lime green tank top, and a nice old pair of sneakers. I looked in the mirror; smashing.
I brushed my teeth, combed my hair, and walked out into the living room. Natalie and Calisto were already there, quietly talking over a last cup of coffee. Natalie wore a long brown peasant skirt with a white matching top. On her feet were knee-high dark brown boots. I could only tell because she wore them so often. In sharp contrast, Calisto had chosen a white skirt which ended just above her knees and a black button up top. For shoes she had white platform flip-flops. Calisto was going through a “phase” with her clothes. Again. Natalie and I were getting used to it. Again.

-----

As quietly as I could manage, I climbed up the tree after Zack. We had to be nearly silent, or we had the risk of his brothers catching us; at least one was home. Without a sound, he opened his bedroom window and we crawled inside. A quick glance at him made me grin; I'd never had anyone in my life like this. He caught my eye and took the opportunity to kiss me. It wasn't just a regular kiss, it was a kiss that made my breath catch. In just a few seconds, I could feel his love for me, our shared fear of the coming future, the hope that we could all make it through the next ordeals without harm.
Slowly, I pulled away and whispered, “The sun is setting, let's go out there while there's still time.” Time. I didn't need to specify, we both understood. Silently, we both changed into our beach gear.
Still, as quiet as we could, we snuck out the window and grabbed our surfboards from the yard. We walked the rest of the distance to the beach. I stood at the edge of the water, my board planted in the sand. The sun was setting, we had an hour tops. In this sunset I could feel the hope in the world. In this moment, I knew the power was shifting, and it was all up to me.
“Arianna!” I looked up. Zack was already in the water. “Get out here!” I grinned and hit the waves, I was ready for anything.

-----

This fun house was no longer fun. The sky had grown dark and lightning flashes filled the room. I'd dodged wayward spells and seen strange things I'd never imagined in the glass maze. Alone, without my sisters, this was scary. I made my way to the top, the canvas and rope level.. The wind picked up as I tried to find my way to the slide, my only escape. I didn't think there was anyone else up here until I nearly ran into him. I muttered a simple guiding spell and a gold light bobbed between us. He gasped. Before he could say anything, I grabbed his hand and led the way out.
As he followed behind me I turned my head and said, “My name is Arianna, and I can do magic.”

-----


So these are bits and pieces of my "magical masterpiece" that I've just complied. It's only been like...two years since I've done anything with this.
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(no subject) [Dec. 4th, 2007|07:28 pm]

“Love”

 don’t let this fall
don’t make me lose it
you told me these things
are they lies
how would you know
you’re still a child
this is all fake
don’t say it’s not
just say you love me
even if it’s not true
too young, I knew it
that’s stupid
age is just a number
it doesn’t mean anything
except everything
i’m not an adult
you’re not a child
absurdity
so different
so alike
stop trying
keep going
i don’t understand
no one does
unfortunately
the world will spin
don’t put too much
into that life

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